As I take a bow to my 20s and look forward to the 30s, looking back, I can divide my 20s into five different states of mind when it comes to relationships, not in any strict order. Three of them were times when I wasn’t really available for romance: either I was so buried in work that I was basically a willing celibate, or I was stuck in health worries—often unnecessary—imagining every small symptom was something serious, or I was so smitten by one person that everyone else just disappeared from view. The other two states were when I was available: There’s “not ready” and there’s “ready.” The difference is obvious once you’ve lived it. In the “ready” state, things feel easy. You don’t overthink, you don’t beat yourself up if things don’t work out, and you somehow just know what to say and when to say it. Everything feels natural for you and for whoever you’re with. Those are the symptoms of the "ready" state.  By contrast, when people feel clueless about love—unsure what to say, overthinking everything—it usually means they just aren’t ready yet. Sometimes it’s because they’ve set the bar too high for themselves, sometimes it’s their fears, wrong beliefs or just the circumstances of life. The “not ready” state often comes from feeling like your physical or emotional condition isn’t “good enough” for romance. And what “good enough” means is different for everyone. For one person, just being alive is enough reason to try. For another, they won’t let themselves try until their life looks and feels a certain way.